Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
