you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
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