life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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