just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
