party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
