Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
She tied me up with her honor cords...
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
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