Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
