Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
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