I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
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