I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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