I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
