it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
