Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Randomize
