Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
