I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
