Even water is tasting like jack daniels
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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