I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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