yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
