HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
