Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
