the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
