"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
