dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
