That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
