You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
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