You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Randomize
