Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
