You work out of a Hotel?
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Randomize
