I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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