So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
