Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
