my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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