john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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