these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Even my vagina gasped.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
