Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
