I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
