Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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