stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Randomize
