That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
And then the night went full on bisexual.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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