Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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