He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
