i wish peter jackson would direct porn
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
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