I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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