Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
