4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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