you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
