you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize
