I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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