Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
