billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
